6 Ways to Model Self-Compassion for your Daughter this Summer

As we embark upon another summer, there are a few reminders I always need to keep top of mind for myself. Now that my girls are getting older and making more observations, it’s even more critical that I’m aware of my messaging to them. Due to the nature of summer and all the insecurities that come along with it (helloooo swimsuits, tank tops and shorts!) I’ve shared some of the things I plan to keep top of mind as we make our way through June and beyond so that I can focus more on fun with family and less on my own insecurities. These acts of self-compassion will hopefully also pass on to my girls over the summer months and years to come. I hope you find them useful too!

1. Wear the shorts. (work on my own body confidence)

I’ve always had an aversion to shorts. I don’t like how they look on me or how they feel. However, NC summers can get HOT and I’ve actually found a few pairs that actually feel pretty comfortable and provide relief on those stifling days when I need to be outside. I still don’t wear them often because of my own insecurities with my legs, but when I do, my girls get so excited… “Mom is wearing SHORTS!!” I’m not sure where the excitement comes from or why they even care? Maybe it offers the perception that I’ll be especially fun and active with them on my shorts-wearing days. Either way, the reminder to “just wear the shorts” pushes me to have a healthier body image, appreciate my strong legs for all the fun they afford me as a mom, and sends the message to be comfortable in our own skin to my girls.

2. Eat the ice cream. (model intuitive eating)

Summertime is meant for indulgences, for our daughters and for us. Modeling the ability to balance indulgences with intuitively listening to our bodies and fueling them with nutritious options teaches our girls that no food is “bad” or totally off limits. Veering away from our own diet mindsets and continuously tapping into what our bodies need at any given moment will teach our daughters how to do the same. I’ll admit that’s harder to do when life is overly chaotic, but doing as much prep ahead of time to stock the pool bag with nutritious snacks makes it easier to say yes when the inevitable request for ice cream comes later in the day – and show them that mom can indulge, too! 

Check out advice here from one of GOG’s collaborators and fall speakers, Dr. Emily Ciepcielinski as she shares a few phrases to avoid when raising intuitive eaters.

3. Put down the phone. (set healthy boundaries and be present with my people)

Since I tend to spend more time day-to-day with my girls during the summer, I try to be more cognizant of my screen time when we’re together. If I’m asking them to be present and earn their screen time for specific parts of the day, I need to make an effort to do the same. Too often, I find myself mindlessly checking my phone or smartwatch in my girls’ presence and later realize I missed out on the chance to fully engage with them in the moment (anyone else??). This summer, I will make more efforts to leave my phone in the next room and use the Focus function more often. These girls are only home with us for a finite number of summers and I want to be as intentional with my time with them as I can.

For an additional resource to help you proactively plan out your technology time as a family, check out the Family Media Plan offered by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

4. Take the walk. (prioritize daily movement, even if formal workouts move to the back burner)

The lazy days of summer usually equate to a more relaxed daily schedule, which can interfere with any semblance of a workout routine I attempted during the school year. I always have to remind myself that just because it’s summer and the kids are home, that doesn’t mean I can’t still move my body every day. My girls and I both know that I’m a kinder, more patient, better mom when I’ve taken the time to be active and mentally reset. Taking solo walks on the beach, down a trail or through my quiet neighborhood before the rest of the world awakes always does wonders for my mindset (AND increases the likelihood that I reach for more nutritious snacks and meals throughout the day). If I can find another time to bring the girls along to move our bodies together for a hike, bike ride or kayak excursion, even better!

A study in the Journal of Physical Activity and Health (2017) emphasizes the importance of #3 and #4 with the finding that boys generally engage more in physical activities compared to girls, and are more likely to meet physical activity guidelines than girls. This fact and countless other statistics being released about the dangers of increased screen time for our kiddos provide even more support to checking our own screen habits and bringing our girls outside to be physically active with us. 

5. Make the time. (say “yes” to things that matter most and protect my time)

We’ve all heard the importance of protecting our time by saying “no” more often to hold space for the things we’d rather say “yes” to. The summer months offer the chance to be more intentional with how we spend our time and it’s important we talk about how we’d like to prioritize our time as a family. Are there friends and family you want to be sure you see? Are there places you’d like to explore? New excursions you’d like to take? Extend and accept those invites, plan the trip and make the reservations. You’ll be glad you did and will show your daughters you prioritize your time and new adventures together, while also creating healthy boundaries with commitments that are more likely to be draining. 

6. Turn the page. (don’t dwell on my mistakes or regrets)

I recently watched an interview with Matthew McConaughey and his wife Camila where they affectionately reflected on his 91 year old grandmother, “Ma Mac”. One of the traits they adored about her was how she was so good at “turning the page” and encouraged others around her to do the same. She “turned the page” by never dwelling on mistakes or holding grudges against herself or others. She simply looked for the opportunity to learn something and kept moving forward. Learning to adopt this mentality (during the summer and beyond) is perhaps one of the most foundational skills of self-compassion. Giving yourself the grace you would offer to your child or anyone else to keep moving forward and learning from your past is one of the kindest permissions you can grant. When your daughter sees you hold grace for yourself, it sends the message that you have the capacity to offer the same to her when she inevitably makes a mistake. As we often say in our house, don’t waste time on the  “couldas, wouldas, or shouldas”. Keep moving forward and be thankful for those opportunities to learn.

I’m going to try to do all of the above this summer, but I know how old habits can die hard sometimes. So if you see me out and about, remind me: “Wear the shorts!”